afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
