I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
