I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
