i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
