Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
