I could have mohawked her pubes.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
