even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
