How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize