Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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