I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
