There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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