If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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