So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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