so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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