goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i think i have two assholes
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
