Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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