Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
send nudes
from the living room?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
