Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
