he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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