No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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