Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
