ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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