Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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