my mouth tastes like poor choices
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
