i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
