Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
