The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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