actually, I'm a sock model
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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