I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
