Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
