Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
