So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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