there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
