dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
