I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
