so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
