im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
