my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just found puke in my bra..
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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