yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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