Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
