I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
