So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She bit a glass in half.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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