Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She's the barista slut.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
