they need to just BURY HIM!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
