Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
