shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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