If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
