Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize