Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
