Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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