my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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