one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
