I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
