that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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