it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
