I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just pee around me
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
