Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
