Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
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My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
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There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
how drunk are you?