Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
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I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.