life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Best friends brother. Beat that.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
