he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
