Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  My room smells like vodka and shame

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  (312): My room smells like vodka and shame http://tfl.nu/t2bn
  Replies (7) Good night (1976) Bad night (735)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.

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  (412): You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night. http://tfl.nu/f2ed
  Replies (14) Good night (7398) Bad night (767)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.

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  (515): Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas. http://tfl.nu/4rik
  Replies (59) Good night (2221) Bad night (6886)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus

  (1-409): View more from Texas

  How are you texting me from 1998?

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  (409): We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus (1-409): How are you texting me from 1998? http://tfl.nu/t1vq
  Replies (27) Good night (8794) Bad night (1328)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes

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  (540): all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes http://tfl.nu/yixn
  Replies (34) Good night (8325) Bad night (1318)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.

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  (313): The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two. http://tfl.nu/ya0u
  Replies (31) Good night (6728) Bad night (1253)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.

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  (314): We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them. http://tfl.nu/7w09
  Replies (9) Good night (5273) Bad night (931)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car

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  (202): You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car http://tfl.nu/q6jc
  Replies (1) Good night (1949) Bad night (832)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent

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  (301): Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent http://tfl.nu/21ar
  Replies (8) Good night (3279) Bad night (1785)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.

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  (806): No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus. http://tfl.nu/4ptg
  Replies (18) Good night (3045) Bad night (1114)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.

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  (715): How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it. http://tfl.nu/19iz
  Replies (13) Good night (738) Bad night (1798)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops

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  (610): yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops http://tfl.nu/nsjn
  Replies (5) Good night (753) Bad night (1227)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.

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  (928): So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something. http://tfl.nu/zx0n
  Replies (9) Good night (1344) Bad night (507)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.

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  (412): Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it. http://tfl.nu/10d1
  Replies (6) Good night (1185) Bad night (650)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.

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  (409): No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups. http://tfl.nu/fjk8
  Replies (2) Good night (141) Bad night (475)

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