Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
