the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.