You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.