Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.