So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Oh god it's open bar.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
