On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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