oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
