It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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