So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
