He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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