I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
