Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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