well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
