Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
