Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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