if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
