Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I don't think brook has ever known best
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
