My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
