So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
